Don’t You Dare Judge!

One of the outcomes that some special needs families experience is that the children move into a group home. How that takes place depends on the situation.

Ideally, the family is aware of the need of a group home before hitting a crisis. They can then get on a waiting list and a place will open up just in time when the family dynamic requires a group home.

But that is not always the case.

In our experience, the issue of a group home came after we had hit a crisis. We needed to find a group home quickly, which was not easy. There are long waiting lists.

For both Logan and Abby, we were told that we would have to abandon them in order for them to get the help they need, because that would force the government to take care of them. Thankfully, that did not need to happen and we were able to get both Logan and Abby into group homes without having to abandon them.

But it could have easily have happened the other way.

We have friends and family who were in the place that they had to abandon their child to get them into the group home. They were given the choice of remaining in ongoing crisis or abandoning the child to get the help. It is a difficult situation to be put in. No one wants to abandon their child but you can also only survive so long in a crisis situation.

It is likely that you know or will know someone who has been put in this situation. Please do not judge a family that has had to abandon their special needs child. Abandoning does not reflect a lack of love. It is actually the opposite. Abandoning is a terrible sacrifice that is only done out of great love.

You should also know that abandoning does not mean you are giving up your relationship with the child. In most cases, the parents remain very much involved in the life of the child. Abandoning is only about giving up the legal rights and the ongoing care.

If you meet such parents, please do not judge them. They have had to pay a price that no parent ever wants to pay.

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