Family Dynamics
1 John 3:1-10
Introduction
There are many different images in the Bible that are used to describe our relationship with God. The one image that is used far more than any other is that of family. Whether it is husband/wife or parent/child, it is in these kinds of relationships that we see a glimpse of what it is like to be in relationship with God.
But what kind of family? What is the picture of family that you get in your mind? Perhaps a mom and dad and few biological children. That may have been your experience but it is not everyone’s. Our family is one of those families that is not very traditional. While Amanda and I are together, unlike the parents of many of the friends of our children, we have some variations. We have five children, two biological and three adopted. And to complicate things, our biological children do not live with us but our adopted children do. We could not have predicted that. I grew up in what I considered to be a traditional family, with a mom and a dad and just me the only child. It was an adult that I discovered that I was adopted and that I have siblings out there, only half of which I have met in person.
And yet there is something that is found throughout all of the different variations of family and that is family resemblance. This happens on different levels, including what is often called nurture and nature. What I mean by that is that there are resemblances based both on the family we are raised with and based on our DNA. While my dad and I do not look at all alike, as we share no DNA, there are plenty of things about his personality that have been passed down to me. But then when I did a video call with one of my half brothers for the first time, a person I have never met, there were incredible similarities between us, right down to our mannerisms. Looking at my children, I can see a family resemblance between all of them, biological and adopted, and Amanda and I. A likeness between parent and child is exactly what you would expect when a family exists.
This makes me think of the common saying: “The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree.” That is a recognition that a child is like their parent in some way. This may or may not make us happy.
While this is true on a human level, it is also true on a spiritual level. Who is our spiritual parent? The Bible gives two options and that is God or the devil. That does not mean God and the devil are equal in any way but we tend toward one or the other. How do we know which family we are in? It is not based on membership in an organization but based on how we live and which parent we tend to emulate. This is something that John reflects on in his letter.
Child of the Devil
In this passage, John speaks of children of the devil. I need to admit to you that I am very uncomfortable with this kind of language. I can picture a person using this as an attack, dismissing a person by describing them as a child of the devil. There is no point in talking with them because they are so intrinsically evil that they they are Satan’s children. This does not seem like very helpful language.
However, it is used in the Bible and it is worth reflecting on how it is used and how it can inform our understanding of the moral life. We must remember that the biblical writers are working with the assumption that there is going to be a family resemblance between a parent and child, even if it is through adoption.
Before looking at John’s letter, let’s look at John’s Gospel. We find this statement by Jesus: “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44) What is Jesus doing here? He is not dismissing a group of people with an insult. Rather he is challenging some people who claim to be following God to reflect deeper on what their actions say about who they resemble. The devil is a murder and a liar. Can a person be a child of God and embrace those values?
Turning now to the letter, John says those who embrace the way of sin are being like the original sinner: the devil. Now we have already seen that John has acknowledged that everyone struggles with sin on a certain level. This is an embrace of sin. And what kind of sin in particular? It is about how we treat each other as John is still think in terms of love and hate. Did you know that Satan and the devil are not names. Satan is Hebrew for accuser and diablos, from which we get the devil, is Greek for slanderer. It is actually when we use our words to attack one another that we are most children of the devil. The point is not to feel condemned or to attack others for not living up to our standards. The point is to look at our behaviour and ask who are we being like.
Child of God
It is amazing to see how much in the Bible talks about us as being children of God. Here are two of my favourites. “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12) “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15) The passage by Paul is especially interesting as it tells us that we are granted the right to address God as Abba, the same familiar term that Jesus used to pray to his Father. We have been adopted into the family of God and we are welcomed into the relationship of the Father and the Son.
The expectation is that if God is our Father, then there is going to be a family resemblance. We saw last week that we are called to be like Christ, and in that we saw we are especially supposed to emulate him in the way of love. In the same way, we are meant to be like our Heavenly Father, demonstrating that which God values.
And again the proof that John offers to demonstrate who is truly a child of God is how we treat one another. You may feel that John has already made his point and should move on from this. However, John is not even close to being done emphasizing the importance of loving one another.
Why is John going on and on about this? He understands the human heart. It can be extremely difficult to keep the main thing the main thing. There are all sorts of things that distract us from the foundation that God wants our faith to be built upon. You may have encountered people who want to know the deep things of God. By this might be think of how to get prayers answered or how to get people converted or to feel emotions during worship. The truth is that there is nothing deeper than living a life of love.
Now I understand that any of us could look at our own struggles to love people and feel discouraged. There are people in the family of faith that we do not get along with and who we do not want to be around. That does not make us a child of the devil. When we look at Jesus as our big brother, we see that he too had strained relationships, including with people in his biological family. Now we do not deal with that as well with Jesus, but hopefully we are growing in our family resemblance.
Conclusion
If a person looked at us and referring to our spirituality, said: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” which tree would they be talking about? When it comes to family resemblance, what parent are we looking more like?
This is not ammunition for us to go around and start making judgments about others. Nor is it an excuse to give up. We need to look at what we look like, in our thoughts, words, and actions, and consider who we are looking like.
If God is our Father, what does that mean for us. What does our adoption into the family of God mean for how we live our life, especially in how we treat others. Are we living a life of love or a life of hate. Are we embracing accusation and slander or are we embracing encouragement and blessing? The good news is that God is not an absentee parent and he does not leave us to this process alone. Spend time with God and let that resemblance grow.
