Have I Deconstructed My Faith?

Deconstruction is one of the most widely discussed topics within the church today. People have widely varied views on deconstruction, seeing it as the greatest danger to the church to seeing it as the greatest hope for the church.

Part of what needs to be discussed is what we mean by deconstruction. I think some of the evangelical critics of deconstruction see it as something akin to apostasy. When they hear about deconstruction within a faith context, they interpret it as someone who once identified as a Christian looking at everything that we identify as orthodox Christianity and rejecting it.

That kind of deconstruction does happen. For some deconstruction goes right down to rejecting the existence of God. As someone who is convinced that God is real, it does sadden me when people reject all faith, especially when they feel forced to reject God when what they have experienced is hurt by the church.

This post is not about the deconstruction experience of all people but about my own thoughts on deconstruction. I really like this definition of deconstruction from a post at the Sophia Society.

the taking apart of an idea, practice, tradition, belief, or system into smaller components in order to examine their foundation, truthfulness, usefulness, and impact.

I find that definition to be very helpful and it points us beyond the feelings of panic when we fear someone’s deconstruction is a slippery slope to atheism.

But how does this fit with my story?

In a brief summary of my faith experience, I was raised attending church but really did not internalize the beliefs very much and I have very little understanding of the Bible. I left the church in my mid-teens, became an atheist, regained faith in God in university, and then became convinced in the truth of Christianity and embarked on the journey of discipleship.

I found myself in a very conservative church that had a mix of good and bad experiences. I would not identify myself as a victim of religious trauma in general, although there were some traumatic experiences.

I would like to list a few of the things that were taught in that church and that I accepted. I understood these things not as options but essentials to “true” Christianity.

• Pastors had a spiritual authority that put them above questioning and question was a form of rebellion.
• The earth was young (6-10,000 years old) and that God created the earth in twenty-four hour days. There are no other options for a Christian to believe.
• There would be a secret rapture of the church before a seven year tribulation after which Jesus would visibly return. The mysterious disappearance of all true Christians could happen at any minute.
• It was important to avoid all things secular, especially when it came to music. Secular was of the devil and we need to replace as much secular culture with a Christian version as possible.
• Caring for the poor was distraction from evangelism and should only be done if it could be tied directly to a gospel presentation.
• Doubt is always wrong and is an enemy of faith.
• Women should not be pastors, and any Bible teaching they do should be limited to other women and children.
• Our physical bodies are the enemy and Jesus died on the cross so that we can be free from bodies and live for eternity as disembodied spirits.
• While God does not like sin in general, God has a particular hate for same-sex relationships and Christians should lift same-sex relationships to a different category than everything else.
• Roman Catholics are by definition non-Christians and headed to hell.
• If we are following Jesus, we should expect some sort of level of comfort and ease. Not necessarily the prosperity gospel but what I would describe as “prosperity lite.” Suffering is a sign that is something has gone wrong.

You might look at that list and think they are mostly secondary and tertiary doctrines. But having been in that church, these were the things that were talked about most and these were the things that defined who was in and who was out.

I also share that list to say that I do not hold to any of those beliefs anymore. If I was to gather with my peers from that church at that time and share what I no longer believe and what I now believe, they would question my salvation. They would see where I have come not as minor changes in interpretation but as an abandonment of the true faith.

And yet I still hold to a completely orthodox faith. I believe in the Trinity. I believe in the deity, atoning death, and bodily resurrection of Jesus. I believe in the return of Jesus, at which time the dead will be raised. I believe in salvation by grace and I believe in the reliability of the Bible.

But the form of the faith in the things that were most valued within that tradition I had been a part of is no longer what my faith looks like. How I picture what true Christianity looks like now is very different from what I thought true Christianity looked like then.

How did I get from there to here? I would say it was deconstruction. I did not have a bad day at church and then gave up on everything out of discouragement or resentment. It has been a many year process of studying the Bible, listening to other people, wrestling with my own understanding, and experiencing life.

I believe that all of this has been a positive experience, even if some of my peers from back then might shake their heads at where I have headed theologically. But that is okay.

I don’t openly identify as someone who has deconstructed but when I look at the fairly radically shift in my beliefs, at least some form of deconstruction has taken place.