Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

John 11:1-45

Introduction

Do you remember your first experience with death? You may have had some vague sense that death was a thing but at a certain point, death became real. I’m not talking about the death of a beloved pet or animal, not that I’m trying to diminish the pain of such a loss. But do you remember that first family member or friend that died and this new mode of mourning and grief began to be put into action. The people around you with more experience with death had this process of mourning with all of its unwritten rules that you watched and tried to follow.

For me, it was my grandmother who died when I was ten years old. She was the only grandparent that I had a relationship with. I still have many memories of my younger days at grandma’s house. I remember going there after church on Sundays for hamburgers. I remember Easter egg hunts and my love of both the competition and the chocolate. But I also remember her developing Alzheimer’s and the family meeting when it was decided that she needed to be placed in a nursing home. I remember visiting her at the nursing home and thinking, rightfully so, that it was a horrible place. I remember hearing that she had fallen down the stairs at night and was sent to the hospital. I visited her once in the hospital, but my parents mostly protected me from the experience. She was unresponsive and her body was failing her. I remember being at my friend’s house for a sleepover and my mother telling me that my grandma was dead. The next few days were a bit of a blur. I remember the visits to the nursing home being replaced by visits to the funeral home. At the age of ten, I saw my first dead body. It was my grandma, and yet it wasn’t. The people at the funeral home tried to make her look nice, covering the bruises with makeup, and trying to give colour. But I have yet to see a deceased loved one in a casket looking like they did in life. We all stood in line for our turn to say our last goodbyes. My cousins all touched her lifeless hands but I could not do it. I’m not sure why, it just was not something I could do. I did not go it the funeral, I can’t remember if it was my or my parent’s decision. Since that day forty-four years ago, I have been to hundreds of funerals. Some of them for family and friends, and some for complete strangers. Sometimes I was the mourner, sometimes I was the pastor, and sometimes I was both.

You may be familiar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s seven stages of grief. This is very helpful in that it demonstrates that grief can look differently at different times. The weakness of it is that it presents it as a straight forward process where you move from one stage to the next in order. Grief is often much messier than that and we might skip steps or hit them in different orders. There is not a right way to grieve. Everyone does it different but we can all agree that it is difficult.

In the midst of all that, Jesus says in the Beatitudes, part of the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are those who mourn.” (Matthew 5:4) Blessed? Really? I would strongly encourage you to not come up to someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one and say: “Enjoy your blessing!” No one who is mourning feels blessed. And yet that does not meant that Jesus’s words are untrue. It just means that we have to do the work to figure out what Jesus meant.

Mourning Lazarus

There are times that we only have a teaching of Jesus with no examples of how this looks in life. Other times, we have a story of Jesus that illustrates what Jesus meant in his more formal teaching. The story of Lazarus and Mary and Martha is one of those stories.

There is much about this story that seems strange but it is that strangeness that draws to the relevant truths. Jesus and his disciples hear about the serious illness of Lazarus, someone known to be a close friend of Jesus. You would think that Jesus would want to see him quickly. For one thing, he was an important person to Jesus and that is what we do when our friends are sick. But for another, this was Jesus. The healing Jesus. The one that could heal any disease. It would totally make sense for Jesus to rush to Lazarus. But Jesus waits and waits. Finally, Jesus is read to make the journey, but as he reveals to his disciples, Lazarus is now dead. It looks as if Jesus is only going to pay his respects.

Jesus arrives during the time of mourning. This was a much more elaborate affair than our organized funeral home events. It did not fit into a tidy schedule and would include loud wailing as well as other outward expressions of grief. Jesus is greeted by Lazarus’s sisters Martha and Mary. Both of them make similar comments to Jesus. They both say something like “If you were here, our brother would not have died.” Why do they say this? Although done with some respect, they are in effect blaming Jesus for their brother’s death. Have you ever had moments like that? Just think, every loved one in your life who has died, God had the power to heal them but did not. Have you ever had words with God over this? Maybe you were afraid to voice them, but it’s likely that you have at least had these thoughts.

We read “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” (John 11:33) Jesus was deeply impacted by the mourning of the family and friends. Then we get the shortest verse in the Bible: “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35) That weeping makes sense the first time you read the story, but once you know how the story ends, it does seem strange. Jesus is going to bring him back to life, so why weep? The reason is that the grieving and mourning that was taking place mattered, even if the circumstances were going to change. Jesus entered into their grief very personally. We then find that Jesus asks the people to remove the stone from the tomb so that Lazarus can walk out. Jesus calls Lazarus’s name and out he comes. But why? Was this just a special favour to some close friends? It was actually meant to point to the resurrection, both the resurrection of Jesus that was coming, and the resurrection of believers that would eventually follow from that. It was in the resurrection that there would be real comfort.

Mourning Today

Now of course our experience of death and mourning looks quite different from that of the funeral of Lazarus. I’m assuming that none of us have a loved one who was dead and buried and then Jesus brought them back to life. But the principles of this story are still relevant.

People continue to get sick with illness or injured by accidents. We pray that they would recover. Sometimes we see some remarkable recoveries and we praise God. Other times, the person dies. When this happens, we grieve, we mourn, we ask hard questions. We might ask “God, why did you let this happen?” That is a reasonable question and it does not reflect a lack of faith. The Psalms are filled with the “Why” questions and it is assumed that we will ask those questions as well. We might feel betrayed by God allowing this death. Feelings are not sinful, they are part of how God designed us.

I believe that Jesus still weeps with us. When I think about the times that I have mourned the deepest, one of the comforts for me was not that I thought Jesus would change the situation but that Jesus was weeping with me. Our grieving matters and it is shared, shared with our community and shared with our Lord.

But there is other hope as well. That hope is in the resurrection. We celebrate the resurrection of Jesus that took place at Easter. The resurrection was not just to add a happy ending or to give Jesus the last laugh over his enemies. The resurrection was the promise of our own resurrection. We don’t have all the answers but we trust that the resurrection of Jesus gives us hope in our own resurrection. We read in Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians: “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14) This brings us back to that beatitude. The full statements was “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) The blessing is not the fact that we mourn but that there is comfort in the mourning.

Conclusion

Are you in a time of mourning right now? If you are not now, then you remember a time when you were. Sadly, there is a time for mourning coming for each of us as more of our loved ones will die. We cannot avoid it and nor should we try. There are some who try and isolate and avoid relationships so they can bypass the pain of loss. That is not the right way.

I want you to think of the story of Lazarus. Jesus was good friends with not only Lazarus but Mary and Martha as well. When Lazarus died, it mattered. It mattered to Mary and Martha and it mattered to Jesus. It mattered enough that Jesus wept. Jesus raised Lazarus, not because it fixed the problem, because Lazarus would eventually die again and there would be another funeral. Rather Jesus raised Lazarus to point to the hope of the resurrection that is guaranteed in the resurrection of Jesus.

None of this means that we should stop grieving when we lose someone. Jesus still wept even though he knew what was about to happen. Loving someone means we will lose someone and losing someone hurts, even if that loss is temporary because of the resurrection. Embrace the grief and allow Jesus to grieve with you.