My intention for writing about Bruxy Cavey is not to target one individual but to try and learn something from what happened with him and with the Meeting House. While there has not been much about him in the news lately in terms of his charges, there has been some news about the Meeting House.
Having lived in Ontario most of my life and being in seminary around the time Bruxy Cavey arrived and transformed an existing church into the multi-site Meeting House, this ministry was often in conversations. The general feeling was that the Meeting House was church done right, one that was evangelical in theology but took notice of cultural changes.
In a recent article from Christianity Today, we see that the Meeting House has suffered greatly from the revelations of the past few years. Not only Bruxy, but three other pastors have been accused of abuse. This has not been easy for this multi-site church. Their weekly attendance has gone from 5000 to 1500.
Now things are worse. They have lost their abuse insurance, at least for now, and they have had to pause most of their ministry activity. Rebuilding what they lost would have been hard enough, now they will not even be meeting together for worship or ministry.
Before I go further, I want to acknowledge that I regularly receive emails and comments from some of the most vocal of both Bruxy Cavey’s supporters and critics. Before the flood of “It was just a consensual affair” messages come, I want to say that will not affect the point I am trying to make here. But for the record, I do think that the power imbalance does put this into the category of abuse.
Whatever happened with Bruxy and the three other pastors accused, we can agree that at some point a choice was made to do something. We all make choices, and at some level we are aware that we look at the cost of our choices and decide accordingly.
When it comes to pastors, they have to make choices that will either continue or end their public ministry. Those choices affect the person they are interacting with, whether they consider themselves to be having an affair or understand it to be abuse. Those choices also affect their own family, as well as the family of the other person.
And then there is the church. I am not suggesting that in the case of sexual abuse that the “real” victim is the church. We should always begin with looking at the actual victim of abuse. Putting the church first is one of the ways that abuse has been covered up for so many years.
However, the choices that a pastor makes does affect the church and that is not an insignificant impact. Whether or not it is a matter of abuse, poor choices by a pastor can close a church. When it includes abuse, sexual or otherwise, the damage is even greater.
I do not know Bruxy nor do I know how he got into the situation that would ultimately end his public ministry. But I doubt he anticipated what actually is happening with the congregation that he worked so hard to build up. I suspect he is grieving this.
Again, my goal is not to go after Bruxy Cavey. I simply want to emphasize that when a pastor makes a choice, the affects of those choices will affect many people. It is a sobering thought but it is true.
I do not know what the future of the Meeting House is. My focus is actually on how I live and how I pastor and how that affects the church that I am pastoring at. May all pastors consider their choices carefully.
Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. (James 3:1)
