Christians Need to Get Better at Sex
I have known Derek Melanson since I was a pastor at Mount Hamilton Baptist Church, around the turn of the century (that is weird to say). I really appreciate Derek as he has the mind of a scholar and the heart of a pastor. Derek is pastoring at Temple United Baptist Church, serving where God has placed him. I am thankful that he agreed to be Canadian guest blogger.
That is, we need to get better at talking about sex. And I say this because in one way or another the subject of human sexuality is at the centre of cultural conversation. As a topic, it is, pardon the pun, sexy. Whether we’re talking about Caitlyn Jenner, statements on same-sex marriage by Christian leaders as far apart as Franklin Graham and Tony Campolo, the vote in Ireland, or comments made by Miley Cyrus, human sexuality is a topic that Christians have to address. But not perhaps for the reasons people think.
True, Christians who continue to uphold traditional views of marriage and of sexuality more broadly will occasionally have cause to defend their views, and perhaps even to speak prophetically. But we should not harbour any illusions about turning back the cultural tide. Same-sex marriage is here to stay. Trans-gendered persons will become more common in our congregations. To say nothing of individuals who experience their sexuality in other non-traditional ways.
You see, instead of only having to deal with the question of whether or not we will marry a same-sex couple, pastors and churches are soon going to have to face the question of how to deal with individuals in a same-sex marriage who subsequently become Christians. What do we do when a same-sex couple starts attending our church and wants to become more involved? Like it or not, agree or not, there are same-sex couples who also self-confess as Christians. Even, gasp, as evangelical Christians! And if a same-sex couple already have adopted children, the pastoral complexity of the situation goes through the roof. We’re in unknown territory.
So what do we do?
Maybe, first, breathe. It’d be nice if, frankly, Christian leaders would take a break from making pronouncements in the media. Don’t most people already know we think we’re right? Perhaps rather than speak, we should listen. And learn. For instance, I know pretty much nothing about gender dysphoria. So, sure, I have my thoughts on the recent Bruce/Kaitlyn Jenner story, but what I don’t know is his/her story, all the confusion and pain that have led to this point in Jenner’s life. Nothing I say about the decision to undergo gender reassignment surgery addresses that specifically pastoral issue. Even if I do think that such procedures ultimately do more harm than good psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, if Jenner were in my office seeking counsel after the fact how would I deal with that? First things first, listen.
Since the learning curve here is steep, I also think churches are in the position of having to do a lot of work in understanding the more complicated issues at play here. Church leaders need to be networking with psychologists, scientists, and others who can educate us on these matters. In conjunction with this work, we also need to develop a theology of human sexuality that is biblically robust and culturally relevant. We need our best theologians and biblical scholars to ground us firmly in the Scriptural witness.
Somehow, finally, we also have to find ways to take people as they come to us. After all, Jesus does. Notice that only after encountering Jesus do the Samaritan woman (John 4) and the woman caught in adultery (John 8) experience any meaningful life change. Yes, Jesus does tell the adulterous woman to sin no more, but only after saying neither do I condemn you. People need to get near Jesus to experience whatever change is necessary. It’s proximity to grace that’s transformative.
None of this is to say that we as Christians should never speak about or respond to these issues publicly, but if we are going to do so we should be prepared. Knee-jerk pronouncements rooted in the fear of losing our cultural standing simply will not do. Instead, we need to listen, to learn, and, in doing so, humbly, lovingly, truthfully lead others to the one who knows perfectly well who they are and what they need.
