Taming the Tongue

James 3:1-12

Introduction

Have you ever said something and you have known immediately that it was the wrong thing to say? It’s almost like you can see the words leaving your mouth and you wish you could grab them and shove them back in. I have done this more times than I would like to admit.

Words can hurt. We say “sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me” but we do not really mean it. We know that words can hurt and I suspect that we have all been on the receiving end of it. It is likely that we have been on the giving end of it as well.

As I think back on my own experience, I know I have hurt with my words. There have been a few times that I was angry and that I purposely used my words to hurt. Not often, but it has happened. Most of the time, it was because I simply did not think through what I was about to say or I honestly did not know the situation fully. So I can recognize that there is a sliding scale of responsibility on my part, and yet none of that changes whether the words are harmful or not.

How we use our words is something that is not talked about much in church and yet it is a subject often discussed in the New Testament. The biblical authors understood very clearly that our words are powerful for both good and for bad. This is something that James discusses in our passage. The tongue is a relatively small part of our body and yet it can cause damage out of all proportion to its size. There is so much we can control in this world, and that list has grown dramatically since James’ day, but we still struggle to control the tongue. We see this in every election campaign, whether here or elsewhere, that candidates have to be so careful with their words. One wrong word could destroy a campaign. 

James actually talks specifically about teachers, here meaning specifically teachers within the church. There is a warning about becoming teachers because of the responsibility that we have. It is not that teachers, pastors or otherwise are more important, but we have a platform that expands the impact of our words. And is not just the words spoken from a podium or a pulpit. I have heard from people who have stopped attending church completely because some pastor has said something that caused too much emotional damage. In case you think I am being too negative, the opposite is true as well. That same platform can also magnify the effects of positive words. I know I have been blessed by the encouragement of teachers and pastors. I would also add that not saying the bad thing that they expected to hear can provide a blessing as well. I had a lady at a church thank me for what I had done to make her feel welcome. What had I done? I had never tried to pray for her to be healed from the disabilities she had from birth. Previous churches had seen her as something broken that needed to be fixed and repeatedly offered unsolicited prayer. By not trying to impose this kind of prayer, my lack of words had made her feel welcome in the church.

Harmful Words

I want to go a little bit deeper than just observing that controlling our tongue is difficult. As I thought about regulating the words that Christians say, the first thing that I think of is prohibitions of swearing. In fact, I would say that many of the Christians I have encountered would say that if we are going to draw the line anywhere, it should be to refrain from swearing. There are certain words that just should not come out of a Christian’s mouth, and if we can manage it, to stop non-Christians as well. I have no love for swearing but at the same time, the Bible actually says very little about what we would call cuss words. It talks about coarse jesting but that is much more than just saying a bad word. Not only that, there are words that we might consider a swear word that are found in the KJV because of evolving language. When it comes to regulating specific words, the focus of the Bible is on not taking the Lord’s name in vain. For myself personally, I can handle people dropping F-bombs but have very little patience for people using Jesus’ name as a swear word. You might think I am defending swearing but I am not. I am simply observing that this is often seen as the primary issue despite the lack of emphasis in the Bible. 

Far more prominent in the Bible is the concept of gossip. That might seem strange because gossip is socially acceptable, and is tolerated in many settings where swearing would not be. Churches have traditionally been popular places for gossip. In fact I was a bit shocked when I found out what the Bible says about gossip, including it in the sin lists that also have the things that we consider serious sins. I just took it for granted that people enjoyed talking about what is happening in other people’s lives. I suppose we better define gossip: “conversation or reports about other people’s private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true.” (Cambridge dictionary) When people gossip, it is usually not about the positive aspects of a person’s life. It is often about things that we would be critical of. We might speak about a person’s struggle with alcohol or troubles in their marriage or gambling debts. Gossip has room for those things that are true or untrue. For those who love gossip, it does not matter because it is about someone you think less of anyway. So how does this creep into the church so easily? Because we baptize gossip by calling it a prayer request. I am not saying all prayer requests are gossip, but it is not hard to determine when we cross the line. How much detail has to be shared? Is there satisfaction felt in sharing the news? Is there a sense of relief that their bad choices make us look better in comparison? Do we spend thirty minutes discussing it and one minute praying about it? The Bible speaks very strongly against gossip. Why? Gossip is tremendously damaging. Have you ever been the subject of gossip? It hurts and destroys, whether or not it is true.

If the Bible says much about gossip, it says far more about slander. What is the difference between gossip and slander? Gossip is speculation that may or may not be true. Slander is a false statement that is spoken deliberately to cause harm. This is not the sharing of a story about another person but a direct attack on another person by accusing them of something false. Slander has the intended result of harming another person’s reputation. Sadly, the internet and social media give people a very wide platform from which to indulge in this. And Christians have been just as guilty of it, often excusing it as zeal for a particular side of a debate. They see this practice as acceptable because ultimately it is useful in diminishing the other person’s credibility. This too is extremely damaging and hurtful.

My question is this. Even though we would agree that gossip and slander are not good, generally in churches there is far more tolerance for gossip and slander than there is for swearing. Why?

Helpful Words

It would be easy to just talk about the bad things but words can be used in a positive way as well. We use our words to pray and to praise and to recite Scripture. These are all good things. And we should be using our words to honour God. But the Bible also tells us to use our words to build up people. James calls us to control our tongues, but controlling is more than avoiding damaging words, it also requires a shift toward positive words.

Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Have you ever had someone say something that made you feel good? Perhaps it was at a time when you were feeling down. The right thing at the right time can really make a difference. I remember when I was in seminary and there was a particular day that I was in a bad mood. Things were rough at home, it was not an easy drive to the school, and I was later to class. As I was sitting down, I was vaguely aware of the professor talking. By the time I got settled, I realized that he was reading for the class my paper and was giving me some pretty high praise. That moment still sticks with me and sometimes returns in a moment when I am struggling with self-doubt. 

I have worked with people who did not believe in encouragement. They felt that lack of criticism was encouragement was enough. It is not.

But what if you cannot think of a compliment for someone? What if you find them so difficult and so frustrating that saying something nice would feel like a lie? We can always tell a person that we are praying for them or that we wish them well. 

I do not want to offer rules about what to say or not to say. Rather, we should reflect on what we are about to say and we should consider what the results will be and what our motivation is. If you want to motivate people to do better, do you criticize so that they will try to avoid that negative experience in the future or do you encourage them in what they are doing right at the moment. My guess is that many of us hold back with our positive words because we assume that either they are already fully confident in themselves or that there are other people who are building them up. In reality, the words we say to them may be the only positive thing they will hear.

Conclusion

What we have been talking about may not very spiritual. Avoiding gossip and seeking to encourage people. Any secular organization could have such a topic for discussion. And yet James seems to make a big deal about the effects of our words. The reason is that the division between the spiritual and the non-spiritual is an artificial one. It suggests that there is an area of life that God is not interested in. God is interested in our words, especially since how we communicate shapes our relationships. Words are powerful. It was through spoken word that God created the world. We shape reality through our words, as we tear down or build up. Let us give careful consideration to our words and how we use them.