Thinking About the Billy Graham Rule

From time to time, there is still debate over the value of the Billy Graham rule. If you are not familiar with it, it comes from Billy Graham’s policy of not being alone with a woman outside of his family.

Many pastors have adopted this rule and will refuse to meet with a woman unless someone else is present, preferably another woman.

There has been some pushback against the Billy Graham rule. One is that assumes that the pastor is a male, although it does not have to. Some female pastors work hard not to be alone in a room with a man.

But the main concern seems to be that it assumes that if left alone, one or both parties, will initiate some sort sexual contact. Usually this focuses on the woman being counselled as the likely initiator. This can be traced back to long heritage of men seeing women as temptresses, a thought that has been very prevalent in the church.

But even if we assume that a male pastor would not want to be alone in a room with a woman because of what he might do is problematic. If a pastor cannot not be in a room with a person of a different or same gender without seeking out sexual contact, there is a problem. That pastor should probably find another line of work.

All of this is important for asking this important question: What is the motivation for those who follow the Billy Graham rule?

Is it to protect themselves from another person who might initiate something or is it to protect the other person from the pastor initiating something? Or is it something else?

Depending on the person, it might be either one of the first two options. But from talking to other pastors, there is another motivation. And that is to stop the rumour mill.

Even if a pastor and another person could be in a room by themselves with no concern for something inappropriate, there is always the chance that someone might think otherwise and spread the gossip.

I knew of a pastor who was very good friends with a woman in the church and they worked on numerous projects together. There were many rumours that something was going on, even though, as far I know, there was no good evidence. Some people in the church could not imagine how a man and woman could spend time together and not get involved romantically.

I also saw a glimpse of this many years ago. I had started attending a new church that was very large. I did not know many people. I saw someone from the Bible study I was attending and sat in the pew beside her. This married woman asked me not to do that again, as it could get people talking.

The church is going through a time right now where there is a spotlight on rampant sexual misconduct. There are affairs between people on staff and pastor are abusing their authority by having inappropriate relationships in their congregation.

This means that we are watching for signs of inappropriate relationships. But that does not mean that we should jump to conclusions when a man and a woman (or any combination of genders) spend time together.

It may be your personal conviction that a man and a woman should not be alone together. But that does not give anyone the permission to spread rumours that there is an inappropriate relationship when there is no evidence.

Having said that, there are pastors (male and female) who follow the Billy Graham rule because they legitimately fear that their professional and personal reputation could be ruined even if they have done nothing wrong. Unfortunately, this is a realistic fear.