More Thoughts on the Billy Graham Rule
There are a lot of people who have very strong feelings about the Billy Graham Rule. This is the rule that a man and a woman should not be in a room together with no one else present in a ministry context. It goes back to Billy Graham’s stated policy of protecting his ministry with this practice.
There are those who believe that the Billy Graham Rule must be followed strictly. No exceptions. Others see it as misogynistic, as it sees women as potential seducers, looking to sabotage the ministry of godly men.
I will say that there are some Christians who have drifted into a dangerous attitude of seeing women as overly sexual and evil. I am very concerned about this. They see men as basically good who, due to only personal weakness, fall prey to women.
But discussions of how to deal with ministry meetings between two people of the opposite sex should not be shaped only by those extreme views.
Those who follow the Billy Graham Rule generally have one (or more) of three concerns:
- Their personal probability of entering into an inappropriate relationship.
- The fear that the other person may try to initiate an inappropriate relationship.
- The fear that others may think something is going on even if there is not.
Most of the people I know who follow the rule do so not out of a suspicion of the intentions of women they are counselling but out of a genuine desire to protect their ministry. By the way, my use of gender here reflects that it is generally male pastors who follow this rule.
What do I do?
I would not say that I follow the Billy Graham Rule but I am influenced by it. When I am in a situation where I am alone with someone, I try to determine if there are any red flags and then act accordingly.
Most often, I would be fine to meet with a woman from my congregation in my office without someone else present. But I would keep the door partially open and make sure that it would be possible for someone to walk by.
I have taken extra steps when it is someone I do not know well or at all, especially someone my age or younger. Sometimes I have a concern about a person I do not know and have arranged to have someone in the next room, but not in the same room. Rarely, have I requested that my wife be in the same room. But usually when I invite Amanda, it is because she is better at pastoral care and not because I’m afraid of something bad happening.
What I am trying to say is that there is not just two options: 1) follow the Billy Graham Rule strictly, or 2) be behind closed doors alone with someone of the opposite sex, no matter how little you know them.
Ultimately, a pastor (male or female) must decide for themselves what they think is best. The Billy Graham Rule will not prevent every case of clergy abuse and there is not an army of sexualized women seeking to take down male pastors.
A pastor is responsible for their family, for their ministry (short and long-term), and for their congregation. There will always be critics of what you are doing but follow your convictions to the best of your ability.
